losing weight when your metabolism slows down

 I have been anorexic for most of my life, and now that I'm in my 50s my metabolism is so confused that it has basically stopped working. My lowest weight ever was 109; I tried so hard to get below 100, but that never happened.

Instead, my body is gaining weight daily and every thing I eat turns to fat around my stomach, hips and thighs.

Friends and family tried to explain this concept to me--the concept that when you don't eat your metabolism slows down; I never believed them until now. Right now I weigh 183! I am 73 pounds over weight--crap.

I have refused to buy 'new' clothes for the much bigger me because I believe that I will lose this weight even though I've been trying to lose it for over a year to no avail.

I have always worked out, and I continue to work out now, but there's a huge difference between working out while weighing 109 and working out at 183 pounds; working out now really hurts (especially my breasts).

I met with a registered dietician (I don't recommend that anyone see a nutritionist; I've found that nutritionists don't know any more that we all already know--just my opinion), My dietician, on the other hand, explained that one of the most important things to do is to eat. Eating while I'm trying to lose all of this weight seems so counter intuitive, but as I have learned first hand, eating works.

But eating what; that's what I am learning. My dietician explained that I should have one serving of all food groups at each meal. That means that I eat 1 protein serving (6 oz), 1 fruit or vegatable, grain of some sort, dairy (I use almond or rice milk), and a small amount of fat.

So what does a meal containing all food groups look like...well breakfast (yes breakfast...before all of this happened I never ate breakfast) so my breakfast consists of 1 fried egg (using oil...how scary is that!), and two slices of gluten free bread, Six ounces of fruit flavored soy yogurt (this covers 2 food groups...dairy and fruit). See...all food groups represented.

I've been on this eating regimen for 2 weeks and I feel that I'm losing weight--it's real slow, but I've dropped a pound already...woo hoo!

But how does being fat feel? I feel like I'm drowning in my own body; some days I feel as though I'm going to explode; I look 9 months pregnant, and my face is beginning to fatten; At the same time however, I am actively exploring what fat feels like as opposed to what fat looks like.

First of all my feet hurt; they haven't felt this way since I was pregnant 34 years ago. My feet hurt on top and lateral to my ankles--my feet hurt even when I'm sitting down--wtf!

I also feel extra tension along my diaphragm; in my mind I see all of the fat among my organs which are pushing one another around all of the fat so that they have space to work. But, I've discovered, that although I like being thin, there is much to explore when living in a 'fat' body.

First of all I don't want to see anyone I know while I'm this fat, so I've missed a number of get togethers because I am trying to hide a secret (I weigh the same as 2 anorexic women; I could be 2 skinny women) but what's the secret? It's not so much that I'm fat, it's more about hiding the fact that I am no longer in control of my body...I know...as if we (our will power, strength of character) ever had control over what our bodies decide to do, but, I've found ,that that is such a common misconception about fat people...that they are out of control; that's not true. What's true is that no one has control over their bodies.

So with this blog I intend to talk about what to eat, how to exercise, and how to 'come out' as a fat person, and then how to work efficiently WITH our bodies to lose the weight we need to lose in order to be healthy...a healthy weight is different for all of us.

I work out every day, and I still feel that my body will explode sending my fat every where in the house...I'll be busy for days washing the fat off of the walls and ceiling.

So my first tip is that 'coming out' as a fat person is essential to losing weight in order to be a fit and healthy person. Once I accept my body as it is I'll feel stronger.

My second tip is to eat 3 small to medium sized meals each day. Snack twice a day, but choose healthy snacks such as almonds or apples. And forget the notion that some foods make you fatter than others. The truth behind this myth is that a calorie is a calorie, so if your snack is 2 Oreo cookies, great. Not so great though is eating 2 packages of Oreo cookies...I can do that; I don't anymore but I know I can.

My third tip is to work out every day for at least 30 minutes, but try to get up to 60 minutes. Choose fun ways of working out; I use a lot of fitness dvds, and I often run on my treadmill while watching TV (I love watching TV).

I would love to read anyone's comments, observations, and tips. Tomorrow's blog will discuss body image ( body dysmorphia...seeing your body as much bigger than it really is). I have that--body dysmorphia and it totally sucks.